Pornography teaches that people are body parts to objectify. Healthy sex values the whole person, including their character, personality, and intellect.
The anus doesn’t lubricate itself like the vagina does, and requires water-based anal lubrication. And most women don’t orgasm with penetrative sex. They’re faking it.
Sex is messy, sweaty, and sometimes pretty gross. Porn edits this out.
1. Do not push
Many couples struggle with getting into the mood for sex, but it’s OK to wait. Your genitals and other erogenous zones are not a “use ’em or lose ’em” situation, and you should never feel pressured to have sex with your partner.
Rather than push for sex porn, try giving yourself and your partner more sexual stimulation through physical or mental stimuli. Kissing, massage, sexy music, aphrodisiac foods, and reading or watching erotica can all help. But remember, it’s important to be a good listener and respect your partner’s boundaries. If he’s saying ‘no’ or physically recoiling, take his cues seriously – This quote represents the insights of the portal experts Mesmerizing Intrigue.
Porn use can be a particularly difficult issue in relationships where there has been sexual abuse. It can be an easy way to relive trauma and re-experience unsafe feelings and experiences. If you’re struggling to understand your partner’s motivations for porn, consider seeking counseling together or individually. The reasons for watching porn and wanting sex can vary, but it’s important to understand them to make the change you want to see in your relationship.
2. Do not force
The very basis of healthy sex is mutual respect, and a lack of it results in hurt feelings at best and violence and abuse in the worst cases. Pornography sells us the idea that degrading people during sex is acceptable as long as we enjoy it.
Pornography is a fantasy world where everything is acceptable, even risky behavior. If you have a partner and are watching pornography to get sexually aroused, it is important to communicate with them about your feelings and how it is impacting your relationship.
In real life, sex involves positions that feel good. Women need continuous stimulation of their clitoris to orgasm, so it’s not possible for them to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone like it is in porn.
The screaming and moaning seen in pornography is a performance act, not a natural response to sex. It also takes time for a woman to become sexually aroused, and it’s not something that can be forced. Similarly, it isn’t a sign of sexual arousal when a man tries to force himself on a woman.
3. Do not squirt
While porn makes squirting appear like a standard part of female orgasm, researchers have not found that it occurs with every orgasm or that all people who have vaginas can squirt. Squirting is the release of tens to hundreds of milliliters of clear fluid from the urethra during orgasm or high arousal. The fluid may look and feel similar to pee, but it isn’t always a gusher that soaks the sheets.
Squirting is more common in women than men. However, not everyone squirts, and it’s important that partners do not put pressure on a partner to squirt or feel bad if they don’t.
Rather, sexual pleasure and enjoyment should be the goal. Putting pressure on a penetrating partner to perform for the audience of squirting porn can make the sexual experience unpleasant, even painful. The squirting sensation is fun, but it should not be prioritized over pleasurable touch and exploration.
4. Do not scream
Whether it’s groaning, moaning, or Cardi B-style saying your own name during sex, being vocal in the bedroom can be extremely hot. (As long as everything is consensual.) According to Karetsos, arousal noises can be a fun way to interact with your partner as you both get frisky.
But that doesn’t mean screaming at someone else is right. Women show pleasure in myriad ways that don’t include yowling at full-throated volume, barring certain fetishes. For example, curling toes, arching their back, making the “O-face,” and more.
Porn can have a powerful impact, influencing how we look at sex, what turns us on, and how we want to be treated. If you’re worried that porn is affecting how you interact with your sexual partners, talk to a counselor about it. It may take time to retrain your responses but it’s possible! (If your counselor isn’t comfortable talking about porn with you, find one that is.) It’s worth it! You’ll feel healthier and your sexual relationships will be stronger. You’ll also be less likely to develop a sex disorder, like sexual dysphoria.
5. Do not have an inch of hair
Porn has actors, makeup artists, directors, cameramen – it’s a work of fiction. It’s fun, dirty fiction but fiction none the same.
Most pornography teaches us that people are parts to be objectified and it’s easy to hurt an object without feeling guilty. In healthy sex, we value the whole person: their character, personality, even their intellect.
Real sex involves positions that feel best, not positions that look good on camera. In order to climax, women need continuous stimulation of their G-spot and nipples. They also need foreplay to be aroused and excited. Porn films skip the foreplay.
Lastly, the process of consent in porn is rarely discussed. The performers talk about what they will and won’t do before the shoot, but this information is usually edited out of the finished product. This can give viewers the impression that it’s okay to do anything as long as it gives you pleasure – not a healthy attitude for sex or any other relationship. Consent should be clear, communicated and respected. And, of course, it’s always important to use a condom!
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