For asexual people, sexual attraction can be influenced by other things than just a physical desire. Arousal can be triggered by other feelings like love, interest, or empathy.
It’s important to respect people’s decisions about how they experience asexuality. And to believe them when they tell you! You should never tell someone they’re going through a phase or they just haven’t met the right person yet.
1. Think about sex.
It’s possible to be asexual and still get horny. But it’s important to distinguish between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction. Libido is the feeling of wanting to have sex, and it can feel like an itch that needs scratching. Sexual desire involves a deeper level of sexual pleasure, and it can be satisfied in many different ways. And sexual attraction is the feeling of being turned on by a specific person, object, or situation.
If you want to get horny without the need for someone else’s physical contact, try thinking about sex or sexual situations that you find appealing. It might also help to use a sex toy. For example, a vibrator or cock ring can be very effective for getting aroused without the need for someone to touch you.
In a recent study, researchers found that even people who say they’re asexual sometimes experience sexual fantasies and masturbate. However, not everyone who’s asexual experiences sexual attraction, and some may only experience it under certain circumstances, such as when they have a deep emotional bond with another person.
2. Watch porn.
Even though asexual people don’t experience sexual attraction, they can still watch porn and get horny. Whether it’s because of the content or their own fantasies, watching pornography can trigger arousal in some asexual people.
Some asexual people will feel romantically attracted to other asexual people or people of different genders, while others may prefer close friendships over sex. But regardless of their sexual orientation, asexual people need to fulfill the same emotional needs as everyone else.
Many people who are asexual choose to be celibate, which means they don’t engage in any sexual activity at all. But asexuality isn’t the same as celibacy or abstinence because it’s more of a spectrum than a black-and-white definition.
Asexuals can also become horny by engaging in other activities, like watching porn or reading erotica. For example, some asexuals may be attracted to certain scenes in movies or books that are explicit. Others might find themselves getting aroused by a friend’s body language or their voice, which doesn’t necessarily require them to be attracted to that person.
3. Read erotica.
Asexual people can read erotica and get horny, but it’s important to be careful about what they’re reading. For example, they shouldn’t read pornography or other explicit material. It’s possible that this could lead to romantic feelings, so it’s better to focus on other types of erotica like literary erotica or fiction.
Many asexual people report having sexual fantasies, particularly during adolescence, when hormone changes are common. However, researchers haven’t found that sexual orientation determines if a person has these thoughts. They’re more likely to be related to other factors, such as stress or certain medicines.
If you’re interested in an asexual person, it’s best to broach the topic of sex with them carefully, and in a non-creepy way. It’s also good to reassure them that you want them for more than just sex, and that you won’t pressure them to have it. Be sure to follow through on this, and always make yourself available for them if they need to talk about it. This is especially important after sex, because it can be hard to know how they feel about it.
4. Use a sex toy.
After talking about it a lot and getting to know your partner, many asexual people will eventually want to try sex. It’s important that you are not putting pressure on them to do this and also make sure they understand that it’s okay if they don’t feel sexually aroused at all. It’s also important that you listen to their concerns about penetration and arousal, and that you are not dismissing them or trying to “rationalize” their fears.
If you’re having a hard time understanding why they don’t feel horny, you can ask them about their experiences with sex in the past. Some asexual people will have experienced sex before and later come to realize they no longer feel sexual attraction.
You can also offer a variety of ways that they might get aroused, like using a sex toy and reading erotica. It’s also important to be as attentive as possible during any physical encounter and check in frequently to make sure they are feeling comfortable. This is especially important for those who have never had sex before and may be more sensitive to pain or discomfort.
5. Touch yourself.
Many people are asexual and don’t want to have sex, even though they get physically aroused. If you’re with an asexual person and they tell you that they don’t feel any sexual arousal, don’t push them to have sex. If they say that they’re willing to go through with consensual physical intimacy, make sure to check in with them frequently throughout the process and respect their boundaries.
Asexual people can experience arousal without having sexual thoughts or desires, and they can be just as turned on by things like the feeling of rubbing skin against itself. For example, if you’re an asexual person who wants to get horny, try repeatedly clenching and releasing the muscles downstairs—the ones you use to stop yourself from peeing. You can also press your thighs together to get the same effect.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that asexuality is about orientation, not behavior. You may be able to get physically aroused without having sex, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily want or need sex. If you find that you don’t enjoy sex, it’s okay to give up and choose another way of being close to the person you love.
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