How to Be More Sexually Intimate With Your Boyfriend

Increasing the emotional intimacy during sex is important to a healthy relationship. Some ways to do this include giving each other massages, lighting candles, and listening to sensual music.

Emotional intimacy during sex may be difficult for some couples, and seeking counseling from a psychotherapist or sex therapist is a great option.

1. Make Time for Each Other

Intimacy is often defined by sexual activity, but it can also encompass a more emotional connection. Taking time to nurture your relationship with physical touch and conversation can build intimacy and make you more open to exploring each other’s bodies and fantasies without orgasm being the primary goal.

For some couples, it can take a long time to develop an intimate bond. That’s particularly true for couples with kids or other responsibilities. But it’s not impossible. For example, you can plan a weekly date night or set aside a monthly board game night to give each other your undivided attention. You can also work together on a project, like painting a room or restoring a piece of furniture, to cultivate intimacy and learn new skills.

It’s important to discuss your expectations of each other and how you want to spend your time in the bedroom. However, it’s equally important to respect your partner if they decide not to engage in sexual activities that you enjoy.

Try to avoid putting pressure on your partner or getting angry if they’re not interested in sexual intimacy at this stage. Instead, focus on building trust and emotional attunement by being transparent and honest about your needs and communicating them clearly. This includes talking about what you both find pleasure in outside of the bedroom, whether it’s a night of reading erotic novels or simply spending time outdoors.

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2. Get Physical

Sex is an important part of any romantic relationship. Unfortunately, many couples find themselves feeling disconnected in the bedroom. This may be a sign of a larger issue (like cheating or emotional intimacy problems) or it could just be that you’ve lost the sexual spark that you once had.

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t build intimacy in the bedroom. There are plenty of ways to show your boyfriend that you still love him, even if you aren’t intimate in the traditional sense of the word. Try giving them a nice neck and shoulder massage, kissing them on places other than their lips and holding hands with them.

Intimate sex starts with foreplay, which is the slow build-up of touching and exploration that leads up to intercourse. Oftentimes, foreplay is rushed through in order to get to the “good stuff,” but foreplay is important because it builds sexual tension and heightens the pleasure of the experience.

Additionally, don’t be afraid to ask your boyfriend what they want to do in the bedroom. Sometimes, they can’t physically have what they want (due to pregnancy or physical limitations) but they may be able to find other forms of pleasure that are just as sexually satisfying for them. Being open to their desires can help you get closer to them in the bedroom and throughout your whole relationship.

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3. Be Honest

Getting intimate with your partner means being honest about what you want and need. This includes talking about sex, even if you’re not in the mood for it. If you try to hide your feelings or make up excuses, your partner will eventually figure it out and may start doubting what you say altogether. Honesty is the only way to build intimacy, and it also helps your relationship to thrive.

When it comes to sex, honesty is especially important because you can’t have physical intimacy without emotional intimacy. The only way to get that is by sharing your thoughts and feelings with each other, which can be a big step for some couples. If you’re unsure about how to talk about sex, consider starting with something small, like a shared playlist of your favorite guilty pleasure songs or a secret note you leave somewhere only for them to find.

When navigating these conversations, remember that it’s not your job to convince your partner to be more sexually intimate. Consent is non-negotiable, and trying to pressure your partner into doing what you want is not a good idea. Instead, focus on communicating openly and honestly with one another, and you may be surprised to discover new forms of intimacy outside the bedroom. For example, many couples experience greater emotional intimacy after engaging in activities like a yoga class or cooking together than after a steamy session.

4. Be Sensual

It’s not uncommon for couples to fall into sexual routines that become boring and monotonous. This can be especially true for long-term relationships, where one partner may start to take sexual intimacy for granted.3 For this reason, it’s important to be proactive about bringing sensuality into your daily interactions. A little effort can go a long way toward increasing your sexual tension and leading you to an orgasm.

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Touching is a huge part of sensuality and can be a great way to build up tension for sex. Gently stroking your partner’s arms and back, or playing with their hair can add a physical element that creates arousal. You can also try rubbing their earlobes, lips, and nipples to tease your partner into wanting more.

Intimacy is often thought of as a relationship’s sexual component, but it can be much more than that. Creating a more intimate relationship with your boyfriend involves building trust and communication, as well as getting physically close.

If you’re looking for ways to be more intimate with your boyfriend, consider taking a self-assessment of your relationship with the Gottman Relationship Adviser. It can help you understand your strengths and weaknesses in your relationship and give you a customized, research-backed plan to improve it. Then you can begin to make sexual intimacy a priority again with your partner.

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