Sexual intimacy in a marriage is key to the health of your relationship. Lack of sex can be a red flag that there is an emotional disconnect in the relationship.
It can be uncomfortable to discuss these issues, but it is necessary in order to maintain a healthy marriage. There are many reasons that married couples stop having sex.
1. Lack of Passion
Sexual desire tends to ebb and flow, especially in long-term relationships. It’s also quite normal for it to dip as you age. A sudden drop in sex often points to a deeper problem.
Sometimes couples lose interest in sex when they start to feel a lack of emotional intimacy. This can be a very damaging thing, and it’s not just limited to sex – people can feel a disconnect from each other in all aspects of their relationship.
This isn’t always a bad thing, but it’s worth paying attention if you notice a decline in affection. Everyone has their own ‘love language’, so this might look different for you and your partner. For example, you might both appreciate being told that you’re loved and cared about or that you’re appreciated for the little things you do for one another. You might find that switching up the script in sex (trying sex toys, oral or anal sex) is all you need to revive your passion and reconnect with each other. If not, therapy is a great option to get to the bottom of what’s going on in your marriage.
2. Lack of Trust
If a couple starts to stop having sex, it may also reduce affection in their marriage. Affection is the other love language, and it can be given in many ways, from telling someone you love them to taking out the garbage. A lack of affection is not only sexually depriving, it can lead to hostility, power plays and chronic fighting that eventually leads to divorce.
In addition, it is possible that a lack of interest in sex is a result of health issues that impede sexual intimacy, like hormone imbalance and erectile dysfunction. In such cases, it is important to seek the help of a marriage counsellor or sex therapist who can teach couples how to communicate their needs and desires, especially in a non-defensive way that does not blame one another.
Finally, it is important to remember that most couples need verbal and emotional intimacy before they can enjoy physical intimacy. Couples who are not communicating about their sexual needs, whether it is their desire to have or not have sex, are driving blind.
3. Lack of Time
Some couples find themselves in a situation where they either stop having sex altogether or have significantly less sex than they did when they started their marriage. They may live with this situation for the sake of convenience, finances or culture (or simply because they believe it is ‘the right thing to do’) – but it can be a very unhappy existence for most people.
While some couples may feel they can live with this situation, it is important to get help if there are underlying issues that need addressing. A couples therapist can assist the couple in finding new ways to connect and be physically intimate with each other.
In the long run, this can prevent sexual intimacy from deteriorating to an unsatisfactory level. It’s also good for a couple to discuss their sexual intimacy needs with each other and agree on what they are happy with, in terms of sex frequency. These discussions are often difficult and taboo, but if the problem is left to fester, it could lead to other problems in the relationship.
4. Exhaustion
If you and your partner are constantly feeling exhausted, you might not have the energy to engage in sex. The exhaustion could be caused by physical, emotional or chemical issues that affect your ability to enjoy sex. It may be a sign that you need to spend more time on emotional intimacy and less time on physical intimacy.
Some people believe that a sexless marriage means the end of the relationship, but this is not necessarily true. In fact, some couples only have sex 10 times a year and are happy with that.
A healthy sex life in marriage requires both partners to invest in their sexual intimacy. It’s a matter of self-sacrificial love, just like any other aspect of your relationship. Research shows that the more you invest in your sex life, the more desire you will have.
If your partner doesn’t want to have sex as much as you do, that’s a serious problem. It can lead to ongoing resentment and power plays, threats of divorce or actual separation, and is a recipe for disaster. An expert relationship counsellor can help you work through this challenge without blame and find ways to restore your passion in the bedroom.
5. Boredom
There’s a lot of pressure on couples to have mind-blowing sex all the time. Couples who don’t have enough sex can start to feel unsatisfied, and that can lead to boredom.
If you and your partner go for long periods without having sex, it’s important to talk about it with each other. It may not be the easiest conversation to have, but it’s necessary. Be sure to listen to your partner, and don’t place blame. It’s also helpful to consider if there is a health issue that could be causing the problem, or even medication side effects.
It’s common for a lack of sexual satisfaction to cause emotional distress and can eventually lead to resentment between the partners. Couples that are experiencing this need to have open communication and seek a sex therapist if needed. This will allow them to get to the root of the problem and restore physical intimacy. It is possible to save a marriage when you address issues like these in a timely fashion. It just takes a little work!
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