Many people struggle to relax during sex. This can be due to stress in their daily lives, worries about intimacy, or fears related to sexual trauma.
Nervous thoughts and sexual pleasure are like oil and water: They typically don’t mix.
But you can learn how to relax during sex by practicing mindfulness. Here are six simple tips to help you stay present and experience more pleasure during intimate moments.
Focus on the sensations in your body.
Sometimes, a woman’s nerves can get in the way of having a relaxing sexual experience. For example, if they have trouble letting go of their worries about how they look or whether they’re doing a good job at masturbating, they can feel disconnected and nervous. This is why it’s important to talk about what’s preventing you from being fully present in the bedroom and address any unresolved issues that may be contributing to this.
Practicing mindfulness techniques can help you stay connected to your sensual experience during sex. Breathing deeply, focusing on the sensations of your partner’s touch, and even using visualization to bring you back into the moment can all help you stay present during sex.
Over time, these strategies will become habits and make it easier to stay in the moment during intimate moments. If you’re still struggling to relax, it’s helpful to talk about this with your partner and try some different approaches until you find something that works for you. Then, you can focus on enjoying your sexual connection with one another.
Breathe deeply.
Breathing deeply during sex can increase pleasure and help you reach a climax. Try breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth – experiment to see what feels best. Some people find it more arousing to breathe through the mouth, while others find that it helps them calm down.
It’s also a good idea to try to sync your inhales and exhales with your partner’s. This can help you feel more connected to each other and can make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
Slow, deep breaths can relax your autonomic nervous system, which encourages sexual response and the engorgement of genital erectile tissue. On the other hand, fast or shallow breaths can trigger your body’s “fight or flight” response and cause stress. To help you practice, sit somewhere comfortable and concentrate on your breathing for a few seconds. Then notice where you feel your breath moving in your body and how it feels to slow down your breathing. Taking big breaths can also engage your pelvic floor, which is important for sexual pleasure.
Move your body.
Often, there are emotional barriers that keep people from moving during sex. This may be because they worry that they will look silly or that their partner will judge them for “moving too much”. The reality is that moving during sex can increase pleasure and excitement, as well as provide a variety of ways to stimulate your body.
For example, pigeon pose is an excellent stretch for the lower back and hips, and increases flexibility in your nether regions. This allows for greater range of motion during masturbation and sex, which can lead to deeper orgasms.
Another way to move your body is with a series of body waves. Start with a pelvic thrust and then use your body to create a wave-like motion, stroking each part of your body as you go. Try adding in breath to really feel each stroke.
This type of movement also helps to activate the orgasmogenic pathways in your brain. It can be very intense and fun, but it’s important to take your time and don’t rush it.
Focus on your partner’s touch.
Many people feel uncomfortable when their mind wanders during sex, especially if it is focused on the fact that they aren’t having an orgasm. This can lead to anxiety which will in turn interfere with the sexual experience. If you are uncomfortable, let your partner know and together you can work on ways to be more present and comfortable in bed.
One way to do this is to practice being more mindful of your breath during sex, says Costanzo-D’Aprile. Inhale deeply for 1-2-3-4, and exhale slowly for 1-2-3-4. This simple trick will reconnect you with your body and help you overcome distractions.
Another way to practice mindfulness is by exploring your own body and discovering what areas you enjoy touching most, and which ones don’t. Then, when you have sex with your partner, explore each other’s bodies in a non-judgmental manner and focus on pleasure. It is important that you take your time, be respectful and only move on to the next stage once both of you agree it is ready. This allows you to be more mindful of the moment and will lead to greater satisfaction with your partner’s touch.
Enjoy the moment.
Getting distracted during sex is normal, and there are many possible reasons. It could be because of physical discomfort, boredom, fear of STIs or pregnancy, lack of lubrication, an unfulfilling sexual experience in the past, or other unresolved emotional trauma.
Having a mindful approach to sexual intimacy can help you stay present during sex. It means focusing on pleasure, feeling your partner’s touch and responding to them with sensation (instead of going over your to-do list or thinking about the laundry). And it’s okay to take your time, so that you can truly enjoy the experience and have an orgasm.
If you are having trouble staying focused during sex, talk about it with your partner. This can be an opportunity for you both to learn more about each other’s needs and desires, so that sex becomes a mutually satisfying experience for everyone involved. It also allows you to communicate what doesn’t feel good and find ways to fix it. You can try different positions, move around your body, engage your inner thighs, make noises, use toys, and focus on the senses.
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