If you’re feeling nothing when you have sex, it’s important to identify the source of this sexual trigger. Oftentimes, the answer is fairly simple.
In some cases, issues like relationship troubles and underlying anxiety can flat-line your libido. A sex therapist can help you address these issues. But other times, it’s more complicated.
1. You’re bored
When you’re bored, your attention is on other things and that can make it hard to focus on your partner or reach a sexual climax. This can also be a sign that you’re not enjoying your sex as much as you should be. Maybe it’s time to experiment a bit with different kinds of sex or to try out some new methods of stimulation. You could even try rubbing your clit while you have sex to see if that works for you.
We tend to think of sex in pretty reductive terms, almost like a vending machine — insert the right coinage and push the buttons, and you get an orgasm. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes sex doesn’t feel good and that’s OK.
2. You’re having sex that doesn’t really do it for you
We tend to think of sex in pretty reductive terms, like a vending machine where we insert our sexual desires into the body and get something out of it. But sex is actually an emotional experience, and it’s normal to feel less than sexy sometimes.
The good news is that even if you don’t reach orgasm, sex can still be fulfilling. It may just mean that you’re engaging in sex before you’re adequately aroused and not having as much pleasure as you could be. This is why sex experts recommend things like foreplay, which can help get the blood flowing to your genitals and prepare your body for climax.
You might also find that you’re having sex when it doesn’t really do it for you because you don’t enjoy your partner or their touch or you have other issues with the relationship, like infidelity, controlling behaviour, or other challenges. If you’re having this issue, it’s a good idea to have a discussion about the situation with your partner when you’re not in the mood for sex and can give the conversation your full attention.
There’s no right or wrong answer to the question of whether you should have sex when you don’t feel anything. But it’s important to understand what might be causing your lack of desire and come at the problem from a place of acceptance, rather than a belief that you’re broken or there’s something wrong with you.
4. You’re dealing with a medical condition
A chronic illness can change your world in many ways, including how you enjoy sex. For instance, you may not be as able to move and get around, or you might have pain or discomfort during sexual activities. This can take away from the experience and, in some cases, make you less interested in having sex altogether.
If your medical condition is causing you pain or discomfort, it’s important to address that with your doctor. If it’s something that can be treated, like an infection or a cyst, this may improve your enjoyment of sex. If not, you might want to consider experimenting with different sexual positions or getting help from a therapist or counselor to work through any anxiety about these issues.
Similarly, if you’re having problems with orgasms, this could be due to a medical issue such as vulvar vestibulitis, lichen sclerosis, a compression of the nerve or Bartholin’s gland cyst. These issues are treatable, but can affect your ability to have orgasms and may also cause you pain.
You should never be embarrassed to discuss these kinds of issues with your doctor or health care professional. If you feel comfortable doing so, this can help them understand what’s happening and find a solution. It can also be helpful if your partner knows that you’re having these issues, as they may be able to support you and help create an enjoyable sexual experience.
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